The Immortal Words
My Self argues with Me too much; 
I fight it and I find it fighting me back. 

But almost always, 
we end up meeting in one memory of a memory,
hidden within the folds of thought;
the one and only sanctuary to any self-conflict:

These are my Grandma’s loving eyes, 
looking deep into mine; 
addressing the young Me, the future Me, 
and the forever-lost Me. 
She carefully articulates these four simple words, 
as they escape her sweet wrinkled lips, 
like they secretly held within them
Life’s only immortal lesson…
               
         …القناعة”
       
      “.كنزٌ لا يفنى

Why do trees wear their beautiful coats in the Summer,
and strip down naked in the Winter…?
The Damned Man

…and as she looked up to see him leave, her face looked different; she had a pale smile and she whispered,

"You…
shall never…
love.” 

And so it would be;
the most cursed of damnations;
a life devoid of its own heartbeat;

A life without love.

Let Me Sleep, Forever…

Some nights I fear going to bed… 

I fear that when I open my eyes the next morning, I’ll get that recurring feeling of everything coming at me all at once, except this time I won’t be able to contain it in.. 

and it would all slip away… 

Who would I be then?

Always on the Chase…

We chase the next minute and the next hour, 
rendering this living moment to be gone forever. 

We looked right past it, 
worrying about the future ones yet to come, 
or perhaps looking forward to them. 

But they just came, 
and now they , too,
are forever gone. 

Just Open Your Eyes
And See 

As I sank deeper in my dream, I was back to my childhood home.
Oh how I’ve missed it here!
My feet led me to the good old vine tree in the backyard where I had spent countless evenings seeking its great shadow. There, I found that old lady again sitting under the tree, flipping some cards. It was almost like she was waiting for me.
Without looking up from her cards, she had a serene smile on her face as she spoke.
This time, her words were clear,

"Remember that everyone you meet is afraid of something, loves something, and has lost something…”

Drifting through Antiquity…

I was here before.
A thousand years ago. 
Or was it an instant ago?

Here I am. 
A dreamer;
exiled to uncertainty. 

An instant ago.
Or was it a thousand years ago?

Erase the lines…

Now, I remember;
all the joy,
the sorrow,
and the beautiful artifacts.
The laughter,
the glory,
and all the sins we racked. 

This is why I became human.

This is why… I left. 

Where do we come from? Why is there Life?

A very close friend of mine has lost her dear father in the past year.

I cannot imagine what she must be going through but some of the questions that she is fixated on nowadays are, 
"Where is my dad right now? Had he worked [a deal] out with God? 
How could you leave this World without some certainty that the next would be better?”

I believe that the answer to “Where do we end up?” comes from a better understanding of “Where did we come from?”

Obviously, that in itself is a very complicated question, the answer of which we will probably never know. 

But luckily, my soul mate (and my personal guru) has shared this with me a few days ago,
and I believe it represents Life in a way that is beyond the traditional ways of Religion,
Beyond a system of Reward and Reprimand,
Beyond Heaven and Hell.
Beyond a personal God.

Here it is,

At first there was only Nothing. 

Now, some people would say, “there’s nothing in there.”
But they would be wrong. 
Because it wasn’t just nothing, 
it was Nothing.

This Nothing was exactly like you’d imagine Nothing would be.
It looked like Nothing.
Now, some would say, 
“that’s because there was nothing in there!”
But they’d be wrong.

Imagine yourself without your body, and without your brain.
Now, listen to your own thoughts.
You’re thinking in your native tongue, aren’t you?
Well, now imagine you had never learned to speak in your language.
How would your thoughts sound like?
Would you even know that you are thinking? 
Well, Nothing was a little bit like that.
It was a thought without a voice, a thought that focused on Nothing,
because, in the beginning there was Nothing to focus on.
And that was it.

This one time, Nothing was thinking about Nothing.
And it realized that, well, it didn’t know itself that much.
It started asking questions,
“Am I important? Do I really matter?”
But there was, of course, no way to answer these questions.
Because there was only Nothing.
So Nothing made a wish,
‘I wish to know if I really matter…’
And because the only thing that would stop a wish from Nothing being granted 
was Nothing, the wish was granted.

And suddenly, there was Something.

Imagine that all your senses are working perfectly, 
but that there’s Nothing to feel. 
Not even yourself because you have no self, you’re just Nothing.
That’s how Something felt, 
it was pure curiosity, eager to see, to hear, to taste, to touch and to smell Anything. 
But there was only Nothing.
So Something wished, ‘I want to feel Everything.’
So, out of the wishes of Nothing and Something
came Everything.

And Everything was well.
Everything grew and grew without limits,
and in order to feel all of it,
Something chose to turn itself into shapes and forms of Everything.

Something became fascinated; 
watching and smelling and tasting and hearing and touching Everything.
And it realized that it felt another thing too,
above and beyond and inside and outside of Everything, 
but different…

It was Nothing,
reminding Something that there was a purpose it had forgotten;
a mission; 
that there was a question to answer,
‘Do I really matter?’

So Something divided and became Many,
and Many started their search for the real importance
of Nothing.

But Something went wrong,
and Many were confused.


As much as Many tried to find the Answer,
they had a problem.
Because they became so divided and separate.
Something was lost and Many had forgotten the Question.

Many thought that they had a better Question,
or better Answer,
and sometimes Many disagreed with Many,
so Many fought a lot amongst themselves.

So Many lost touch with Something and
Many lost Everything. 
And Many couldn’t care less about Anything and Nothing 
and they only cared about being Many and
staying Many.

Many started to believe that Everything was created by Something
just for their own enjoyment, and that they shouldn’t care about Nothing
and that there was no such  things as ‘Nothing’,
only Everything,
and that Something had always existed,
even before Everything.

That’s how Many forgot that they themselves
were the Something that had began the quest
to find the Answer to the Question 
made by Nothing…
And Many started looking for Something
without realizing what it was,
and that’s why Many started going around in circles,
getting nowhere…

Among the Many,
sometimes some would retain the original curiosity,
and some almost remembered, felt a little hint of 
the Question,
and those were the Few,
and the Few were closer to Something than Everything.

When the Few came together in peace,
sometimes they would catch a glimpse of Something,
and they found it beautiful.
But they were Few,
and Something didn’t show up for long.
Sometimes they tried to make Something
happen by singing and dancing and lighting candles. 

But sometimes,
the most fortunate of the Few,
finally got it, and knew that they themselves
were Something,
and that they were beautiful…

And that they were Something because they had each other,
and in each other they had Everything,
And when you’re Something that has Everything,
the Answer is simple…

Nothing is more important,
Nothing really, really matters.”


I believe that ‘God’ is what is referred to above as ‘Nothing.’
That Nothing is not really void,
it is the same as you closing your eyes and all you see is nothing,
but it’s not really nothing,
there’s always something going on there.
There’s a whole World between your eyes and your eye lids…

I believe that within this ‘Nothing’, the Whole of the Universe(s) exists.

Like I told my dear friend,
I honestly believe that her Dad is finally set free to escape from the confines of a limiting body,
one which prevents him from truly seeking the meaning of it all,
and that Now, he is finally eternally free in this Nothingess. 
Free to explore it and see the true Beauty of the Universe outside and within himself. 
Free to just Be as he once was:
A Pure Soul that is back to its Home where it came from. 
Back with Nothing.
(As Full and not void as Nothing could ever be defined)

"Is anybody out there…?"

The Main Character in his novel is the Mind.
And when his mind is fragile; when it’s at its limits, 
when it reaches the brink of its edge zones… 
something ruptures.

Silence. 

“I have entered a tranquil mode.”

A new sublime character emerges; 
Transcendent. 
Open. 
Free.

Finally in tune with Individuality. 
And for once, he can see the beauty of the Universe pulsating in this vast realm of Uniqueness. 

 

He smirks, 
“I’m diving in…”

A Self-killing Self…

"Look at yourself. 
Who is there inside of You?
Who is there between your ears and behind your eyes?”


"Myself. My Self that thinks my thoughts and moves my body."
 
"If this self is thinking your thoughts, then it should be able to exist apart from these thoughts. I mean, if it wasn’t able to, wouldn’t your self just be… thoughts?"

"Maybe. But I am not just thoughts. 
I know that because I experience my self. I live outside my thoughts.”


"Do you really? What do you experience? 
The Past is not here anymore; it’s nothing more than a displaced memory.
And the Future is not here yet. And when it comes, it - too - will turn into a memory.

You are what You are experiencing right now. 
And what are you experiencing right now? Thoughts. 
Just because you use the selfish namesake ‘I’ does not give it a legitimate existential being beyond your thoughts.”

"What are you talking about?! Of course ‘I’ exist beyond my thoughts!"

"How do you know that when you live in a reality-constructed reality? 
Doesn’t that - by definition - mean that anything that exists beyond that ‘true reality’ is unreal?
 …
What if all your ‘self’ really is nothing more than your thoughts about a self? 
What if there is no self thinking up these thoughts?”

"Aha! Well my Brain thinks up my thoughts!"

"Do you experience your brain thinking up these thoughts?
Or do you just experience thoughts arising as a result of conditioning to experience? 

You are not there thinking those thoughts, are you?
Only your brain is.
And what you have left is thoughts about a self you experience, but was never really there…”